my bleeding heart</3

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sometimes i just wish that i'm gone.

Life have been such a bitch and all i could do is grab my fist tight and move on. There isn't much people that will be there to help you when you don't even want to help yourself. I wouldn't mind dying if there isn't any pain.

I hate it when people is physically with me while her mind is thinking about other stuff or their heart is with another person. What is the point of having you when your heart isn't with me? And what is the point of me being there when you don't even want to share a thing with me? Its like you are so close to me yet it feel damn far.

I feel damn useless seriously as there isn't anything i can help with. I am tired of thinking when you will leave me. Any idea how does it feel when you are the one feeling insecure or when i'm always talking to other girls or something? I don't wanna play any game with you anymore but sometimes, your action just shows that you are still not ready for the real thing.

I hate myself for trying to put such a front. Obviously i hate it when you go messaging or chatting with your guys yet i still can't show it or else people will like 'Wa, this guy so xiao qi' I can't even be the real me. Maybe trust is hard to earn when you break it. I might forgive you but doesn't mean i will forget about it.

I don't like it when you go all emotional due to others or trying to show off that a lot of guys is chasing you and you could play them around. Sometimes its not people is stupid so that you can juggle them around but it's like they allow you do. It is the same logic as when people act like they don't know what is going but that doesn't mean they don't know what is going on.

Its kinda shocking when i saw 1 of my friend at suntec earlier and she is like ' hi, i heard you are with her. so are you 2 together?' And obviously i will be like it is complicated and bla bla bla and she still can tell me that she heard alot of stuff about us. I wonder how does our things spread that far across singapore. Well, somebody must be spreading bad stuff to the extend that she ask me to let go if you ever hurt me again. If things is that simple, i wouldn't even be struggling.

Sometimes, i really wonder what i am to you. I know you are playful but i guess it's time for you to settle down. If you still can't forget about your ex den lets stay as friend. Can't imagine my girl tweet about his ex, saving his picture as wall paper and keeping a picture of another guy in the wallet. Seriously, i feel like a fool, a hopeless fool. Looking at you missing your ex and getting emotional which somehow screwed up my mood and make me think that i'm nothing/unimportant to you yet still have to act ok and try to cheer you up.

If i have to feel this hurt just to grow up den make it a fast process or my heart might turn into a stone sooner or later. Nobody could understand me when i can't even understand myself.

Oh well, hopefully after ranting so much i might feel better. The night always seems like it is the harder period for me to been through. Goodnight people. I guess there wouldn't even if much reader as well.

I finished scribbling at;2:21 PM